


August 9th

by keruwa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, suicide note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:26:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26087164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keruwa/pseuds/keruwa
Summary: An unfinished letter lies innocently on the old table they had once intended to replace.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	August 9th

**Author's Note:**

> please read tags

The sun will never come back.

To Miya Atsumu,

The sun had been taken away a long long time ago. It was taken away way before you and I were ever an “ _us”._ So, when you’re reading this…’Tsumu, I want you to keep that in mind. The person you knew me as, never had a star to begin with. 

When you’re reading this, I want you to carefully listen to your own voice, focus on how when you come across your own name, your voice pitches up and it comes out a little quieter than the rest of the sentence; or on how the paper has been crinkled, the curtains are drawn closed just how you always like them to be, or how...no matter how hard you tried to shut the back window, you can still hear the world talking, laughing, crying…Please, focus on _anything_ but on what has already been done and cannot be changed.

I write this letter with a hole in heart and longing to see you smile one last time. I write this letter having already come to terms with my decisions. I write this letter to you, as a ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye’. I hope it serves its purpose. All I can do is hope that you read this once and never again. Burn it, send it off to sea, bury it along with its author, use it as a fire starter, for once you have reached the end of it, it’s purpose has been served and deserves to be let go of. 

With a hole in my heart, I leave you with our memories, photos and words exchanged. I leave you with our home, our friends and family. I leave you with our second best bed and the mess in our refrigerator. I leave you with our books, our records, our collection of dainty figurines; And finally, I leave you with unfulfilled promises and wishes. I truly regret not being able to continue our streak of weekly library trips, not getting a cat, not performing a onigiri song in front of at least 50 people to promote ‘Samu’s onigiris. 

It is still with a hole in my heart that I must express my most genuine, most grateful, most meaningful thanks. ‘Tsumu you don’t know how much you mean to me, you are my saving grace, my flickering hope, my last light. You are worth so much more than me and my punctured heart could ever offer. Being with you made me feel okay. You made me feel okay, you always have and you will always be.

I sense now that my hands are trembling too much to go on writing about how much I love love love every square inch of you, there’s nothing you did wrong, in fact, Miya Atsumu, I would like to swear on my dearest violin that nobody caused this and especially not you. You read that last sentence again and you make sure it goes through your beautifully thick head that I am the sole person responsible. It’s me, and no one else. I hold no grudge against anyone. Oh how I wish I could end this elegantly but alas it seems my vision has blurred and I can no longer decipher whether or not anyone can read what it is I’m trying to say…so,

To Miya Atsumu,

The sun was never mine to have.

From the bottom of my pitiful heart, 

Sugawara Ko _u_ [/.../]

**Author's Note:**

> please do leave constructive criticism, this is not at all to affect your comment but I felt like you should know that english is not my first language and I am not as comfortable writing in it. :p also why are there zero (0) atsuga fics, why is something like this the first one T—T


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